Break Time, Not Breakdown: Your Holiday Appearance Survival Guide

By Paakhi Srivastava, Ph.D., Assistant Professor
Key contributors: Nicole Zehner, Delaney Lah, Kylie Martin
Department of Psychology and Counseling

Family holiday gatherings can be a blast, but let’s be real, sometimes they come with a side of awkward comments about our bodies or how we look. These remarks, whether subtle or overt, can be particularly challenging because they stem from individuals who are expected to be a source of support and unconditional love. One second, you’re happily devouring a slice of Grandma’s legendary pie, the one that no supermarket knockoff could ever replace, and the next, Uncle John is launching an investigation about your acne.

While family members may have good intentions, these comments can negatively impact our body image, lead to shame and even contribute to problematic eating behaviors. And let’s not forget, cultural differences can play a big role in how these comments land. What feels like a harmless joke to one person can feel like a major insult to another. The thing is, the holidays are supposed to be a time to relax and reconnect with loved ones, but these comments can turn the holiday season into a total stress test. So, let’s get real about these patterns and figure out how to navigate conversations with confidence!

Build Your Toolbox

Preparing for the holidays is more than just baking cookies and wrapping gifts! An important part is preparing yourself for any unwarranted and uncomfortable comments that may come your way. Wondering how to prepare? Don’t worry, here are helpful tips to guide you in the right direction!

First off, affirmations are your secret weapon. Seriously, remind yourself how awesome you are and build up that confidence! Slap notes like “I’m super smart” or “I’m proud of myself for [fill in the blank]” around your room or on your phone. It’s a quick way to remember you’re way more than your appearance and that you’re totally enough!

Next, get a “toolbox” ready with some clever comebacks for those annoying comments.​ Mentally rehearsing what you might say, even if it’s just a brief and polite response, can seriously reduce that “uh oh, what do I say now?” panic. A crucial point to remember is the difference between intent and impact. Often, comments come from genuine misunderstanding or concern, even if they don’t feel that way. Most people don’t mean to offend, so depersonalizing these remarks can help you realize there likely wasn’t an intention to hurt your feelings.

Finally, set some clear “no-go zones” for conversations, like your weight, face, haircut or health. This makes it super clear what you’re not up for discussing. If someone tries to go there, just smoothly change the subject or tell a trusted friend to help you out. And hey, building a support system is key! Share your feelings with people you trust, because talking about your experiences can help you and others realize you’re not alone. Remember, if you’re feeling anxious, Immaculata has fantastic resources like The Bruder Center, offering counseling and strategies for coping with holiday stress.

Deflect Drama and Make Comebacks

​Despite thorough preparation, you might still encounter uncomfortable comments. But you’re not powerless in these situations! You’ve got a whole arsenal of polite-but-firm strategies to deflect those comments and keep your peace.​ You can go with the “Thank you, but…” approach, which is a gentle way to acknowledge unwanted comments without actually engaging with them. For example, if someone says, “You’ve put on a little weight, haven’t you?” You can calmly respond with, “Thanks for your observation, but I’m comfortable with how I am.” It’s direct without being rude, and it clearly sets a boundary.

If the comments are more persistent or feel intrusive, don’t be afraid to pull out the “My body, my choice” card. A simple and firm, “My health is personal, and I’d prefer to focus on catching up,” sends a clear message that the topic is off-limits. You can also try to inject some humor into the situation to lighten the mood. A lighthearted comment, like “Yes, the late-night study snacks have been working their magic!” can sometimes diffuse the tension if you’re comfortable with it. Exaggeration, such as, “Yes, I’m practically a whole new person! What else is new with you?” can make the initial comment seem trivial and shift the focus. Or, playfully redirect by saying, “Oh, is that what we’re talking about now? I thought we were here to celebrate the holidays!” followed by a smile.

And if you’re really looking to escape a conversation, mastering the art of the topic change is your superpower. Ask an open-ended question about the other person’s life, like “How’s your garden doing this year?” or “What exciting plans do you have for the new year?” This shifts the focus entirely away from you. You can also introduce a new, neutral topic that you know will engage others, such as “Did you hear about the new [local event]?” or “I was just reading an interesting article about [general topic].” If there are other people around, you can even involve them by directing a question to someone else, like “Aunt Carol, how was your trip last month?” Remember, your comfort and well-being at these gatherings are important, and you have every right to protect them! ​

Also, non-verbal cues can be just as powerful as words. Maintain a neutral expression, brief eye contact and composure. If needed, create distance by physically moving away or excusing yourself politely. Say, “Please excuse me for a moment” and step away to grab a drink or help in the kitchen.

Reflect and Restore Harmony

As you settle back in after the holiday chaos, it’s important to slow down and process how certain interactions may have affected how you feel about yourself. It’s okay to notice emotions like hurt, frustration or self-consciousness. Your feelings are valid. Journaling can help you express and understand these reactions without judgment, giving you space to gain perspective. Talking with a trusted friend or family member keeps you from internalizing negative comments and allows you to receive support from people who genuinely care about you.

Try to re-center your thoughts on your non-physical qualities. You are smart, capable and deserving of love and compassion. Give yourself grace during these moments. Dealing with unsolicited comments about your body is hard. If it helps, filter your social media by unfollowing accounts that promote unrealistic standards and adding ones that support body diversity and self-empowerment.

If specific comments from certain individuals were particularly hurtful, you may choose to have a calm, honest conversation with them when you feel ready. Focus on how their words made you feel and suggest healthier ways they can express concern. Remember, family relationships evolve, and communicating your needs with respect helps create healthier, more supportive dynamics.